This article is for someone who’s ever made a mistake.
Every one of us needs to be forgiven for something. Every one of us needs to forgive others. We also need to forgive ourselves. None of that is easy but all of it is possible.
Why seek forgiveness?
One reason is that we want to be free from bitterness, despair and shame. We want emotional freedom from the burdens of guilt. We know that if we can only find the courage to apologize and be forgiven, we will have that freedom.
If we have offended or hurt someone, the chance to express regret and ask for pardon is an opportunity we can seize. Being able to ask someone to forgive us is a chance to lighten our heart and mind, to replace shame with relief and gratitude, to kindle love. We can show them true remorse by changing our actions. We can try to repair the hurt, admit what we’ve done, and change the way we treat the other person. When we have apologized, we feel light, we feel much better with ourselves. It is for the other person to forgive us or not, but at least we have forgiven ourselves by apologizing and sincerely showing our regret.
Forgive yourself
Sometimes we hurt somebody’s feelings, not purposely, but unknowingly, without intent. But even if we have hurt another person even innocently, we should try at once to make amends. There’s no harm. If something happens unconsciously, then you shouldn’t worry. Yet, there’s no harm in making amends even then. The most important thing is that you have to forgive yourself for that behavior. If you have honestly tried to make amends and are truly sorry, then it should not bother you whether the other person has forgiven you or not. And the other person will only be convinced that you are really sorry by your behavior.
The mere word ‘sorry’ does not solve any problem. He has to know from your behavior that you are really sorry. You can always express your repentance, not by mere words but by deeds. That is how you can forgive yourself, and when you forgive yourself, you become happy. Forgiving ourselves means not to repeat that mistake again. That sense of guilt should leave us when we have reformed ourselves
Why grant forgiveness to others?
What if someone has wronged us? Do we want to forgive them so they can be free from bitterness, shame and guilt? There’s the problem. Sometimes we want them to be burdened with guilt; we want them to be punished. But little by little life teaches us that as long as we don’t forgive, we are actually burdening and punishing ourselves. Forgiveness heals us and heals relationships.
So our best course when someone asks for forgiveness is to forgive them completely, with all our heart. Just as we want to be forgiven for our wrongdoings, we can willingly forgive others when they injure us. We have to analyze ourselves; we have to think rationally that it is our own advantage to forgive that person. As long as we don’t forgive that person, we are actually punishing ourselves. The negative thoughts rebound on us. They destroy our own peace of mind. They cause a stress response in the body, and that can show up in physical, emotional and psychological symptoms. When we have the courage to forgive, whether the other person asks for it or not, we are choosing the joy that accompanies a light heart.
Forgive and forget
We generally do forgive, but sometimes it becomes difficult to forget. It still weighs a little on our conscience. So a scar is always there. The wound is gone, but the scar is always there. We should not be conscious of even the scar. We should even forget that we have forgiven. We should always try to say that you forgive me and I forgive you, and we had better forget whatever unpleasantness has happened between us. The question of thinking and trying to analyze whether you were wrong or whether I was wrong will lead to another type of trouble again. So if we want to forgive ourselves and forget, it is better to express our regrets sincerely and then forget what has happened between us.
Parable from Bible
Christ has given a very beautiful parable in the Bible: One servant of a king owed some money to him and he pleaded the king, I am not in a position to pay you the debt, so please forgive me. Mathew 18:26. In those days, the custom was that if anybody is a debtor, he could be put in prison. So he implored the king, the king felt that this man was really not in a position to pay. The king took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
But that man also was owed some money by a fellow servant. So he went to him and said ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ And that man pleaded with him the same way, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ There was a drought, there’s been no rain. I couldn’t produce any crops, so forgive me. Someday later on, I may be able to pay you. But he didn’t forgive him. He had him put in prison. When the king came to know about this, he called that person and said ‘You wicked servant,’ I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger the king handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
This is just a parable given by Christ to explain to us that we can only seek the forgiveness of Father if we first learn to forgive our fellow beings for whatever they do against us, whether they trespass our rights or we feel hurt by their actions. If we learn to forgive them, then we can also pray to the Father to forgive us for we have done to others. If we don’t learn to forgive, how can we expect the father to forgive us?
When you are praying to Lord, if you have not forgiven someone, you must forgive him. Only then will you get forgiveness from the Lord. Mathew 5:23